Des hétérosiens en détresse

We learned of a serious infraction during a routine bag search. It was two of the new guys. Tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb here thought they could pull one over on us. But the thing is, we've seen it all before. All manner of deception and mendacity will be found out in this House. The item in question was at the bottom of a gym bag, underneath some unwashed socks. Our first clue was that these guys don't look like no gym rats. Guess what it was? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't Gatorade. Having come in via court order at roughly the same time, these no good delinquents got to room together, and I suppose that they spent some of their initial time together conspiring to pull the wool over our eyes. You see, one guy is trying to get straight, and the other is too far gone. They both have girlfriends who helped drop them off, and somehow one of them is still using. The one who isn't decided to donate to the cause.